Most of the time, our spouse is the one who bears the brunt of our misbehavior.
Shouting on your spouse is never cool. It’s a surefire way to damage trust and respect in a relationship. Not to mention, it’s just not productive communication. When there's anger and frustration in the mix, it's easy to let emotions take over and lash out at the source of our woes. But when we shout or yell, we’re not really solving anything - we’re just venting in an unproductive manner. Instead of raising your voice, try to have a calm conversation with your partner where you express your feelings constructively and without blame. That way you can work towards coming up with a solution that works for both of you, rather than just blowing off steam in the moment but causing long-term damage in the process….
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,
” خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي
“The best of you are those who are giving the best for his wife, and I am the best person to my wife.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3314. )
Let us ask ourselves Why do we shout on our Spouse?
Shouting on spouse is a common phenomenon that can arise due to several reasons. While it is essential to communicate with your spouse during a disagreement or a heated conversation, shouting can escalate the argument and cause irreparable damage to the relationship. Shouting on spouse not only hurts their emotions but also indicates a lack of respect towards them.
Allaah says, enjoining kindness towards one's wife (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably”
[Surah al-Nisa’ 4:19]
Shouting on spouse and its Effects
Shouting on spouse can be a result of anger, frustration, or even external factors, such as stress at work. While it is natural for individuals to feel upset or irritated in a relationship, it is crucial to deal with these emotions in a healthy way. Shouting can cause harm to the psyche of the spouse and create a sense of insecurity or fear. This is because it shows that the shouting partner may not be able to control their emotions and may resort to similar behavior in the future.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent." (Reported by Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Sahih al-Jami’, 693, 4027)
This is because, in most cases, the angry person loses self-control and could utter words of kufr/disbelief (from which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.*(1)
Long-Lasting effects on the relationship
Shouting on spouse can have long-lasting effects on the relationship. It can create a communication gap between partners, leading to resentment and alienation. The spouse who is shouted at may feel humiliated or disrespected and may distance themselves from the shouting partner. In extreme cases, shouting can also be a form of emotional abuse, leading to trauma, depression & separation.
In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allah, none of this would have happened. Going against the shari’ah (Islamic law) only results in loss.
The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allah for good health.
It is essential to understand that shouting on spouse is not an effective way to communicate. Rather, it can make things worse and create more problems. Instead, it is better to practice active listening and empathetic communication to resolve conflicts. Both partners should take turns to speak and listen without interrupting or belittling each other. This approach can help build trust, respect, and love in the relationship.
The righteous (al-muttaqun) are those praised by Allah in the Quran and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) "spend (in Allah’s Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves al-muhsinun (the good-doers)." [Al ‘Imran 3:134]
These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) ". . . when they are angry, they forgive." [al-Shura 42:37]
